To say I've been in a very unhappy, tearful, deep funk lately is a HUGE understatement. There is a lot that I do not understand about my current situation. There are many days I cry throughout the day wondering what I've done wrong? Am I missing something? Am I following Christ or my own selfish desires? I sometimes cry myself to sleep as well. Throughout all the trials of the last few months & years, one thing has remained strong...I have a deep desire to hear from the Lord. Even when I hear from the Lord, others question my choices or decisions based on the word the Lord has laid upon my heart. It is not easy to follow Christ. You have to make daily & even sometimes hourly sacrifices to do what is not always the popular thing.
There are days that I feel the Lord has left my side and left me out to dry. Can it get any worse? Can one more thing happen that will frustrate me to no end? Can it all just fall apart before my eyes? I often wonder WHY? Why is it that when I choose to follow Christ are there more trials? I now see why people have a hard time following Christ. Making a choice to follow HIM takes a lot of faith and trust.
God's Holy Bible reminds me that I'm not alone. Whatever I'm going through is nothing compared to what some of the Prophets of the Bible have gone through, or even what Christ Himself had to endure taking on the sins of man and dying on the cross to save our souls.
Take the prophet Job, EVERYTHING was taken from him. Only his life was spared...even though it was spared, it still wasn't pretty, he had sores all over. His own wife said to him, "Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!" He replied to her, "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"
Also after all his children had passed away, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.
To be quite honest, I wish I could say that I spend time reading God's word daily. I wish it was more important to me. I'm learning to love him more and the desire to hear from him is getting stronger every day. I get sad when I don't hear from him. I've had a few dreams/visions over the last few months that woke me in wonder and awe of his goodness and faithfulness. These visions are so deep and strong that I wake up wanting to stay in the moment. I lay in bed in awe and just don't want to move from his presence. He speaks to me mostly through my nighttime visions. On the outside, it seems like not much has changed, but on the inside, I wrestle daily about the meaning of these visions. What is the takeaway? What am I to learn from them? What is next for me? They have all been very similar to some degree, and are all building up to something great. I'm always fighting off a "satanic figure" and standing strong against him; not physically, but in word and song - which I find funny because in real life...I don't sing!
Today as I sit here in the quiet, pondering life once again, I pray before I open up God's word. He is so spot on with what he is teaching me. I opened up to where I had thrown in a piece of paper a few Sundays ago. Literally just stuck it in my bible so it wasn't floating around my car. Lo and behold...today's teaching from the Lord was the book of Haggai. Ever read that book of the bible? Ever even heard of it? One of those books hidden away at the end of the Old Testament that gets skipped over. Guess what?! It's full of wisdom and great things.
The biggest and hardest things I've been dealt this past few months have been related to Housing. I got dealt some heartbreaking news about our upcoming move into our new home...however, I have to trust that this news was no surprise to the Lord. Just this morning I was talking and crying with my best friend and also some family over this very topic. I sit down to read...and land in Haggai! Wouldn't you know, it's all about housing and The Call to Build the House of the Lord and The Promise of the Glory of the NEW HOME.
What I learned/took away from today's reading is that the "building of the House of the Lord" is my own personal walk with HIM. My Spiritual Journey! I'm pretty sure that season of learning more about HIM and learning the truly TRUST HIM in EVERYTHING, EVERY DAY, is the "Building of the house of the Lord". In 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, it says, "Do you not know that your bodies are temples (house) of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies."
Until the temple/house of the Lord that I'm to honor him with is healthy, the promise of the Glory of the New Home remains in the distance. This is a hard pill to swallow. Could it be that some of the choices I've made in my past are keeping us from moving at this time into our new home? Possibly? One choice I made in August of last year has certainly had an effect, but I stand firm on my decision that it was the right decision to make based on the amount of prayer, counsel, and months of wrestling with the Lord on when to do it. He has 100% followed through and provided every need since that decision was made. As a human, I sometimes fall back into the "what-ifs" and the "should haves" but God is faithful. This is the long and hard journey I'm on and I pray it makes me stronger and wiser.
This particular verse in Haggai hit me really hard this morning..."How is it that it's the right time for you to live in your fine new homes while the Home, God's Temple, is in ruins?" - Haggai 1:4. There is still much growth of my character and development that needs to happen during the last quarter of 2023. I'm much more certain of this today. BUT...THERE IS HOPE! In Chapter 2 of Haggai, verse 6 it tells us "This is what the Lord Almighty says: 'In a little while I will once more shake the heavens and the earth, the sea, and the dry land. I will shake all nations, and what is desired by all nations will come, and I will fill this house with glory,' says the Lord Almighty.' Verse 9 goes on to say, 'The glory of this present house will be GREATER than the glory of the former house. This is the hope I cling to that the current housing situation which is less than ideal leads to a GREATER GLORY IN OUR NEW HOME. 'And in this place, I will grant peace, declares the Lord Almighty."
These verses actually tie directly in with the visions I've had as well with the shaking of the heavens and the earth and the sea and land. I hope to share those with you all some other time. In true fashion, the Lord is asking me to do some things out of my comfort zone, so you may see or hear my voice on many different platforms...that is very scary to say, but when the Lord speaks, I try to follow. EEEKKK!!! You will probably hear me before you see me...at least right now.
Have a great week! As always, hit me up with questions or comments that you might have.
Misty Dupree
